Our family is currently walking through a season of change… again.
As I recall, not too long ago, I wrote about how I’m just not a big fan.
I’ve found myself stumbling and bumbling through this process, unable to even express through words the jumbled mess of emotions entangled with random thoughts. And just when I thought this process might just sit a spell longer… the fog is beginning to lift.
He provided a special lunch with a very special friend. And she asked just one question, and then listened. And then she gently asked another, and the dam of self-defense that I had built quite well, slowly began to leak, and out of nowhere, split wide open. And because of this release (as ugly as it was), I can now begin to see. Have my circumstances changed? No. But in my vulnerability, through the graciousness of my true friend, God tells me again that he’s molding and shaping my heart. As I call it, in looking at my “ugly”, in bringing my fear and accusations to light, I can be in a place where I want to be – close to the heart of my Father.
And then I read a devotion in my email that expresses my inexpressible thoughts, giving me statements to hold onto as truth. Lysa TerKeurst writes:
And at the end of the day, I guess that’s why I don’t like to be surprised. I can’t stand to get caught off guard. It makes me feel exposed and afraid.
But slowly, I’m learning it’s not all bad to be a little exposed and afraid.
That vulnerable place reminds us we have needs beyond what we manage. It reminds us we need God. Desperately. Completely.
And into that gap between what we can manage on our own and what we can’t, that’s right where faith steps in and has the opportunity to find deep roots. Roots that dig down and break up previously unearthed places within us.
My faith doesn’t just need to grow big, it needs to grow deep. Yes, I need deep faith roots.
Deep roots anchor us when surprises blow like strong unruly winds.
Deep roots hold us steady during the next storm that didn’t show up on the radar.
Deep roots find nourishment when the surface gets awfully dry.
Deep roots allow for growth not previously possible.
Deep roots yield rich fruit.
So, I’m learning to not be so afraid of what might be around the next corner. Even if it does catch me off guard. I close my eyes and whisper… “deeper still.”
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit,” (Jeremiah 17: 7-8 ESV).
Lord, I long for deep roots. I trust you. I know growth, transformational growth, doesn’t always feel pleasant at the time, but I do know that it yields a great harvest. Help me to be patient. Help me to remember your truths and choose those to stay grounded upon. I find myself revisiting a lesson time and time again. I hear you. I know you have growth in store for me. Thank you in advance for your patience with my stubbornness. Thank you for giving me just what I need, when I need it, most especially when I don’t even know I need it. You teach me about love more and more every day, and I am eternally grateful. Looking forward to what has yet to come!