Wow. I’m not sure where to start. It’s been awhile since I felt the nudge to write. And that’s okay. I’m learning to be okay with the truth that God states about a time and season for all things. That includes a time to process and grow closer through writing and a time to shut up, I mean, be quiet. Lately I’ve noticed those “moments”. The ones that cause me to pause in the middle of a somewhat normal day. The ones that tilt my head ever-so-slightly to the left, in a “huh?” gesture. And most of these moments involve my children.
Today, I found myself stretching near my usual spot at home, prepping for a run, thinking about who-knows-what, when I hear the voice of my 11-year-old daughter.
Just three days earlier, I had an opportunity to shop for the first time at a new store. While looking for a suit I could wear for a triathlon, I came across this company on-line. They were a bit pricey, but “everyone said” their items are of high quality. And so I made a purchase. And henceforth, we receive a catalog in the mail every few months. I must admit, I relish looking through all the comfortable athletic wear. I look, I just don’t buy. Target and Old Navy are more my price range, and I’m okay with that.
And then they build a store here in Columbus.
And then my birthday rolls around.
And then my ever-so-attentive husband knows about my “practical” nature and purchases a gift card for me.
A month later, the opportunity arrived, and I made a purchase.
Long story short, I decided to baptize new said clothes this morning, and while stretching I hear…
Mommy, you look just like one of the girls from the magazine.
And I scoff.
The reason for my reaction? Just 3 days ago, while trying on these clothes, I criticized His creation.
You see, my body image and I have a long history. During my college years, I became a slave to a warped reality of the “magazine look”. I had convinced myself I was doing a good thing, I was showing strength and discipline in controlling my food intake and exercise output. I really thought I was on the right path, so much so, that everyone who spoke contrary to my new focus was completely off-base. And then God sent me a man who saw through my false reality, and spoke truth into my life, even with all the push-back I dished out. And through this journey to discover His truth, through His rescue, through his never-ending, always and forever love, I know that I am redeemed and restored.
When He tells me, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” It’s true. And when I criticize His creation, I’m basically telling Him he got it wrong. And I know that that God doesn’t make mistakes. He has created all things beautiful. And that includes me. And you.
And 20 years later, I still get it wrong.
But I am quick to call it out. Quick to recognize the lie and call out the truth. It’s a choice. It’s practiced. It becomes more common place.
And as I recognize the date, just three days ago. It hits me. 8 years ago to the day, I clearly heard two words from God. “It’s time”. And I said yes, and my running journey began.
The most powerful truth I’ve learned is the source of my strength. All of it comes from Him. All of it. And so, my darling daughter, when you see Mommy, and you see the modestly dressed women who care for their health and strengthen their physical bodies in a catalog, my prayer is that you see the strength of the Lord in me. May you know that I count it a joy to be dedicated in my pursuit of Him through the clarity and closeness I experience when my body is moving. I run because God has allowed it. I run to pursue more of Him. I run as a reminder that He gives and He takes away (pain), blessed be the name of the Lord.
May you sweet, darling girl KNOW that you are His beautiful creation. You were divinely fashioned in my womb. And you are loved simply because you are His.
Thank you for reflecting that beauty to me today.