I had a thought tonight.
It was a simple thought.
Yet I found myself pausing… in the middle of loading the dishwasher.
As a mother, am I doing enough?
Oh, I’m “doing” alright. I could list and list all of the tasks that were so joyously tacked onto the birth certificate hidden deep within that precious home-going car seat. I could list and list the routines of the “needed supplies” that keep this Conrad-family-train a-movin. I could tell you about the early mornings and the late nights. I could compile at least a few paragraphs on the “details” of carpools, grocery shopping tips, and laundry mishaps. But in the midst of the “doing”, am I “being”?
Am I pausing in the moments of life? Pausing for some intent eye contact, pausing for a moment of silence after asking a question, pausing from our normal routine just because, pausing to ask about HIS plan and not mine, pausing to prioritize God (in thought, word, and deed)?
Am I doing enough?
I don’t want to get so consumed with the details in life that I miss the most important parts. I don’t want to feel productive at the end of the day simply because a certain amount of tasks were accomplished. I don’t want to end a conversation simply because I’m exhausted, but I do. And I no longer expect perfection, I try to tame the shame-beast that threatens to linger in my mind, I choose to push the grace button as a reminder that the Lord gives, even and especially when I don’t deserve it, and yet…
Am I doing enough?
Time is flying. As you probably well know. Aaron and I have six more glorious years with our son before he graduates. Six. And I really want to make the time count. I desperately want to get this thing right. Time is like money, once it’s spent, it’s spent. I don’t get it back. And I’m not even guaranteed tomorrow. But I do have this moment. And the next, and the next. And I’m not sure what I’m going to say, and I’m not sure what I’m going to do. But I do know the One who knows. And I can trust Him. With all that I am and with all that I have. And that is enough.
HE is enough.
But by His grace IN me, I am enough.
And He sets His word in our hearts…
Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.
And I place my moments, my will, and my faith at the altar of “enough”. And I have peace that in humble obedience, I will not miss that next step, that next late night talk, that next selfless act of love, that next opportunity to extend grace, because even if I mess up, He will always be enough.
He IS enough.