What’s up with the funk?

This was me today.  Well, obviously, not exactly me.  I actually walked out the door late this afternoon when Aaron was walking in, and he said, “Are you alright?”  “I’m fine.  Just tired.”

Yep, furrowed brow gave me away again.

Ever notice that about yourself?  I find that happens to me when I expend lots of mental energies.  It’s almost that bodily reaction when something is weighing on my mind, when I keep mulling over something, and if I don’t release, a headache is sure to be approaching… quickly.

I actually will catch myself noticing said “furrowed-brow”, and practice lifting up my eyebrows to release tension, and even to refocus and lift my spirits.  Reminds me of those years spent watching Sesame Street and laughing at Bert’s uni-brow.

I also know this about myself – when my mind sets too long on a decision that needs to be made, I will quickly spiral downward if not released.

What a fun topic to blog about!  (Not).

Lately I feel as though I’ve written about such serious topics.  I try NOT to be so serious all the time.  (That’s why God gave me Aaron.)  Yet, seeing time as such a precious commodity, I write when I feel God lead, or He’s prompting me to give me an opportunity to process and release.

My battle tonight – thoughts of failure.  If left unchecked, these thoughts will lead to destructive ideas that render me utterly useless for anyone, especially myself.  And I wonder if I’m alone in this?  Am I so good at covering up my feelings and lack of self-worth that nobody would have a clue that I’m struggling?

And in these moments, as I press forth in exhaustion, trying to model for my children how to rely on the strength of the Lord, yet recognizing my human limits at the same time, I stop.  In the midst of scrubbing a toilet, it hits me.  The battle.  This battle.  It’s not against my flesh.  It’s a battle in the heavenly realms.  And the pause slightly slows my run away train.  And I realize just what “train” I’m on.  And maybe.  Just maybe.  I’m on the right track and someone else ain’t too happy about it.

And instead of derailing in the “funk” of it all, I cry out.  I recognize my attack.  I recognize my attacker.  I enlist help.  First, from my Father who always has my back.  And secondly, to my soul-bonded, cry-on-the-couch-with, sisters in Christ.  These sisters aren’t in my daily life as once was the season, but they are deeply rooted in my heart, no matter how long connections have happened in the “between” times.

And then.  I sense a release.  A decision has yet to be reached, circumstances have not changed, but the battle is over.  The war is yet to be won.

Ephesians 6:  12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

I have this amazing book.  It’s amazing from what many others have lived to tell.  I have it.  I haven’t read it yet.  Maybe I should.  Perhaps I bought this because I know it’s my battle.  Will you join me in reading this?  Perhaps, just perhaps, we will realize just how God views us from His perspective.  Because I think, if we start to recognize HIS voice, the other will grow dimmer and perhaps just flee all together.

Enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration with your families.  I can’t wait to be a part of the craziness!  25 people under our roof?  Bring it on!

P.S.  I JUST jumped on facebook after publishing this post.  This is what I read from Lysa TerKeurst, president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, “Satan twists truth. He hides consequences. He blinds reality. He has schemes perfectly designed with our weaknesses in mind. Therefore, we have to battle Satan. He’s the real enemy here. And because we are Jesus girls, we hold the power for victory in our prayers and praises to God.”  Wow.  That’s MY God. 🙂

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