The effects of a good night’s cry.
Often times I discount emotion. Often times it’s unproductive. Not needed. Superfluous.
Other times, it’s simply a God given release. When words evade you. When there are no answers to your questions. When you grow weary. When you simply have no other outlet. God provides tears.
This is where I found myself last evening. Be it the dreary, all-day rain, be it the change of plans, be it simply timing, I sat down with my best friend last night, and I said two words…
I can’t quite remember any other words uttered from my mouth after that point. It wasn’t so much that I wanted/needed an answer, it was simply the freedom I’m learning that comes from recognizing my weakness, calling it out, and realizing that not only do I build a relationship with my husband, but I build on the relationship with my Lord, the One who delights in hearing my voice.
In all honesty, at times, I struggle with my place in this world. I struggle with what I actually bring to this world, or, my value to the tribe, if you will. I “feel” as though anyone could step in my shoes, take my place, and no one would skip a beat. I “feel” this way, and at times, it trumps my head knowledge. Satan has seen this struggle in me before. He’s watch it render me helpless, and leave me paralyzed. Therefore, he brings this back up time and time again. Many times, I battle, I call him out on it. I know that greater is the One in me than the one who is in the world.
But sometimes, I grow tired of battling. I wonder. I want to do more for my Lord. But it’s not time. Until then? It’s the next thing.
Last night, I listened to the words of my earthly best friend. He pointed out all the “little things” that mean so much to him, to our family, to others God has placed in my life. He encouraged me. He spoke words of value to me.
I have to admit, I discounted them. “But those “things” are so simple. Anyone could do them. Listening to others? That’s easy.”
He says, “No Heather, it’s not. Not everyone listens.”
And therein lies some truth. Everyone does have something that comes easy to them. Something almost as natural as breathing. Could this be the very thing that the Creator has so perfectly and uniquely crafted each one of us with? In discounting, not believing, or even rejecting this gift, am I calling my Creator incompetent?
No gifts are small. No life insignificant. No child of God is ever replaceable. No one is a mistake.
As I sang a song of worship this morning, I made a choice. I will wait on the Lord. I will do each of the “small” things. I remove myself from the judgement seat of declaring “value”. I trust that He has not forgotten me. I will believe that He loves me. I will choose joy. I will choose contentment. I will choose gratitude.
After all He’s done, and for who He is, it’s the least I can do.