The morning after…

It was one of those mornings.  The morning when you feel the effects.

The effects of a good night’s cry.

Often times I discount emotion.  Often times it’s unproductive. Not needed. Superfluous.

Other times, it’s simply a God given release.  When words evade you.  When there are no answers to your questions.  When you grow weary.  When you simply have no other outlet.  God provides tears.

This is where I found myself last evening.  Be it the dreary, all-day rain, be it the change of plans, be it simply timing, I sat down with my best friend last night, and I said two words…

I’m struggling.

I can’t quite remember any other words uttered from my mouth after that point.  It wasn’t so much that I wanted/needed an answer, it was simply the freedom I’m learning that comes from recognizing my weakness, calling it out, and realizing that not only do I build a relationship with my husband, but I build on the relationship with my Lord, the One who delights in hearing my voice.

In all honesty, at times, I struggle with my place in this world.  I struggle with what I actually bring to this world, or, my value to the tribe, if you will.  I “feel” as though anyone could step in my shoes, take my place, and no one would skip a beat.  I “feel” this way, and at times, it trumps my head knowledge.  Satan has seen this struggle in me before.  He’s watch it render me helpless, and leave me paralyzed.  Therefore, he brings this back up time and time again.  Many times, I battle, I call him out on it.  I know that greater is the One in me than the one who is in the world.

But sometimes, I grow tired of battling.  I wonder.  I want to do more for my Lord.  But it’s not time.  Until then?  It’s the next thing.

Last night, I listened to the words of my earthly best friend.  He pointed out all the “little things” that mean so much to him, to our family, to others God has placed in my life.  He encouraged me.  He spoke words of value to me.

I have to admit, I discounted them.  “But those “things” are so simple.  Anyone could do them.  Listening to others?  That’s easy.”

He says, “No Heather, it’s not.  Not everyone listens.”

And therein lies some truth.  Everyone does have something that comes easy to them.  Something almost as natural as breathing.  Could this be the very thing that the Creator has so perfectly and uniquely crafted each one of us with?  In discounting, not believing, or even rejecting this gift, am I calling my Creator incompetent?

Yikes.

No gifts are small. No life insignificant. No child of God is ever replaceable.  No one is a mistake.

As I sang a song of worship this morning, I made a choice.  I will wait on the Lord.  I will do each of the “small” things.  I remove myself from the judgement seat of declaring “value”. I trust that He has not forgotten me.  I will believe that He loves me.  I will choose joy.  I will choose contentment.  I will choose gratitude.

After all He’s done, and for who He is, it’s the least I can do.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “The morning after…

  1. Hi Heather,
    I have had the same conversation with my wife. Like you, listening comes easy to her. She listens with her ears, mind and heart. That gift draws people to her because they know she will listen to them without judging them. Your “friend” (yo, Aaron) is right. Listening, not just hearing, but true listening to others hearts is a gift and not something most people do well. Unfortunately, it is a gift that can easily be taken for granted by those to whom you listen and by those to whom the gift has been given. I know that being the one who is always listening can feel burdened at times because sometimes the listen-ER needs to be the listen-EE! I thank God for those to whom He has given the gift of true pastoral listening. God bless you Heather.

    David.

    • Right back at you friend. I thought of that same verse when writing. Such strong truth to grasp a hold of, especially when we feel ourselves falling. Much thanks girlie!

  2. The value in being is just that in being. Not doing just being known and loved by God. We will never know all that He can do with the witness our faithfulness is to those who our lives touch. The widow and her mite come to mind.

    • Amen. I’m so thankful for this truth. It’s helped me do a 180 in my life, given me tremendous peace, and has released a burden I was never meant to carry. Have a wonderful day, thanks for stopping by!

  3. Pingback: Easy Silence « aaron conrad (dot) com

  4. You inspire me Heather, truly. Since the moment I met you I could see the Lord in you. Aaron’s words caught my eye on FB and I had to know what his and your posts were all about. Both of you are beautiful and it is such a blessing and an encouragement to read every word of what you share with the world. Thank you for sharing your moment and struggles…I cannot tell you how wonderfully orchestrated by God it was for me to read your words. Thank you for being the honest woman of faith that you are. I miss your presence in my life and the light of Jesus that shines through you! 🙂

  5. Pingback: Review – Empty Promises « aaron conrad (dot) com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s